My Valentine

D V-Day is tomorrow. Are you ready guys? Got the reservations? What about the card? You better write her a card you fuck face. Take the Hallmark card you bought and wipe your ass with it because if you can’t hand write her a two page letter then you truly don’t deserve whatever happiness and love you’ll be feeling tomorrow.

I imagine a lot of comedians or bloggers will be talking about tomorrow as well trying to talk it up or talk it down and quite honestly it’s disgusting to see how easily people are willing to bash it or make it the biggest deal in the world. Let’s take a breath and calm down before we start declaring war on Valentines day. Go ahead, take a breath, the paragraph below this one will wait.

Okay, so for all you couples out there who are really excited for tomorrow, I congratulate you on the fact that you have a successful relationship and are therefore “qualified” to enjoy the day. You may want to post about it on your Facebook tomorrow, as well you should, don’t let anyone make you feel bad about expressing that. Fuck the single people who can’t handle the fact that life is actually working out for you. However I will say that if you truly love the person you’ll spend less time on the social media and more time holding hands and running through a field of daisies. Keep the big status update as an after thought just so other people can know that you’re in a good place, seriously the day is about your happiness not about letting people know you’re happy.

Single people, you may be spending tomorrow brooding and/or getting drunk alone. If you plan to post statuses about that then you’re no better than the couples who post too much on Valentines day. You’re just looking for attention, which is understandable because you’re single on a day when somebody should be taking the time to love you more. Look if you’re truly depressed about tomorrow then I suggest doing something that’ll take up all your time like playing a video game, reading a book (non-romance, and I suggest reading the Thurber Carnival), do a Netflix marathon, or as they say on Parks & Recreation: “Treat yo self!” To some delicious food. Don’t think you have to punish yourself or the world because things didn’t work out this year. There’s someone out there who does love you, and I don’t mean your ex leave her/him alone, it’s your friends and your family those connections you have with them are just as valid as a married couple’s. Wish your friend’s who are in relationships a happy valentines day and tell them you love them instead of making a desperate cry for help on Facebook and play it off as a joke. If you’re truly sad and need to share it call someone and they’ll make you feel better because that’s what friends/family is for. Besides you don’t see people without parents bash other people on Mother’s or Father’s day, so take it easy.

This is the first time in a couple of years that I’m single on Valentines day. I wrote all of this above kind of for you guys, but really for me. I want tomorrow to be good and not make my friends feel bad for celebrating a day that they deserve to enjoy. Am I happy that I’m single? I’m okay with it. You should be too. Don’t cause any drama, let’s try to go through with this without incident and then before you know it it’ll be over

Have fun tomorrow everyone and be safe! Love, Brian.